endlessdel | Let It Go

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Let It Go

Delirium had almost believed them when they told her it would get better, when they told her that it was just part of being human- but everyday it got worse, everyday she forgot a little bit more. When she looked at her doggies she struggled to remember their names or where she was until she remembered and when she remembered it felt worse, like she had been hurt all over again.

She felt too tired to get up. She didn’t want to eat or drink and when they saw her they made her eat or drink and then they left her again and she was alone. Jack had told her to push them away but that hadn’t helped, pretending hadn’t helped either and nothing made it better. It just hurt, hurt all over until she could barely breathe or think about anything else but leaving it all behind.

Delirium had found the bottle sometime in the night and she had drunk it all. It had made her feel better for a while, it had made her forget but in the morning she remembered it all. She remembered his soft hands on her face, the way he kissed her and held her. The way that he had loved her. She felt sick.

Delirium ran into the bathroom, retching into the sink, tears streaming down her face. The shock of her pale face in the mirror startled her and she stared, stared past the mirror at her sister. Her sisters. Desire wasn't happy just playing with Dream's life she had to interfere in hers. She could almost hear them- their cruel laughter. "I hate you, I hate you!" Delirium said throwing the bottle at the mirror, smashing the bottle into pieces.

Delirium stared at the broken shards of the bottle and laughed hysterically. Each edge broken and jagged; left empty and alone with no purpose. Just like her. Delirium picked up a large piece of the glass, ignoring it biting into her fingertips causing red trickles to run down her hands. Blood red, like her hair. Delirium stared at it unknowingly, blinking back tears as they ran down her face.

Delirium placed the shard into the sink and drew an unsteady swirl onto the mirror in her blood. Delirium heard Barnabas's barks and picked up the shard, rushing to the door and pushing her weight against it. "It's okay Barnabas, I'm going home. I'm ready now," Delirium said, her breath coming in short breaths as she leaned against the door. Barnabas threw his weight against the door, howling at her.

Sobbing Delirium took the shard of glass and ran it down her wrists, watching the blood rush to the surface. She attempted to try the other one but found herself unable; Delirium lay down in front of the door beginning to feel tired. Delirium felt her weight shift as the door pushed open and someone began to try to help her. Delirium closed her eyes and smiled at the sound of wings.

"Hello sister," Delirium whispered happily.

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Abby would normally not be in the lab at this early hour, but normally she wouldn't have been sort of unable to sleep either. It'd been an interesting couple of days, finding out she was fictional and seeing Tony and Bran get things from the island. She wondered if she'd get something soon too, except that she'd gotten Bert a few months ago, so probably not.

She left the lab to go to the restroom (too much coffee), not expecting to meet anyone on the trip there or back, but there was something blocking the door. She pushed it open, wondering if this was a good idea, because really, the door might be blocked for a nakedness reason, but then Barnabas trotted up, howling, and she knew she needed to get into that bathroom.

When she opened the door and saw Del on the ground, bleeding in a manner that Ducky would carefully term "profusely," she cursed in every language she knew and then some.

"Delirium. Del," she called to her friend, dropping to her knees next to her and putting her hand over the cut on Del's wrist.

"No, Del, you're not doing this," she informed her fiercely. "I won't let you do this."

Delirium smiled happily at her sister. One hand reaching out for her as the door opened. Delirium let her hand drop to the floor tiredly. "Time to go," Delirium whispered, barely realising someone else was with her. Someone who didn't want her to go. Abby.

"Delirium. Del,"

That was her name. Delirium opened her eyes dreamily. She didn't think it was supposed to hurt this much. Someone was pressing their hands against her wrists. Trying to stop her. "No, no, no." Delirium whispered, she tried to struggle but she didn't have the strength.

"Yes, Delirium," Abby replied very very firmly. "You're not gonna do this. This is not the solution. I know the island sucks and it's really been sucky lately, but I will not let you do this. I am your next of kin, remember. That means I take care of you when you need it and right now you need to not die."

She reached up and grabbed a couple hand towels off the shelf, then wrapped them around Delirium's wrists to help slow the bleeding. The towels were gonna need some serious washing after this, but she'd willingly do it.

"No...no! Let me go, let me go." Delirium cried softly, trying to pull away from Abby. It hurt to move, her arm sung to her in pain and she wanted to lie in her blood and leave. She just wanted to go home where she could forget the pain. "Home, I'm going home."

"No, you aren't. I'm not here for you sister," Her sister smiled at her as Delirium cried out in pain.

"Don't leave me, please..." Delirium softly whispered. "Don't leave me here."

Del was seeing and hearing things, more than likely, but she thought she probably ought to respond to them anyway.

"I'm not gonna leave you," she replied, still holding the towels to Del's wrists. "Well, okay, I might have to just for a second because I definitely cannot get you out of here without some help, but really, I'm not gonna leave you."

She carefully did not mention the clinic since it made Delirium twitchy to say the least, but she was going to need to find a doctor sooner rather than later.

Edited 2008-04-27 17:30 (UTC)

Ring a ring of roses, pocket full of noses, we all fall down. Fall down. Fall.

Delirium tried to sit up, the effort probably making her bleed more before she slumped back to the cold floor. Trying to sit up hurt, breathing hurt but no one would let her go. "I just want- tired, so tired but she won't take my hand." Delirium said, her face scrunched up in pain.

"It's not time for her to take your hand, sweetheart," she replied soothingly, holding Del's hand herself. She was really gonna need a shower after this, and hopefully wouldn't scare too many people on the way there, with the blood and all.

"I've got your hand, though. I'm not letting go. Whatever you need, I'll help you with. I promise."

She meant it, of course. She didn't make promises she couldn't keep.

Delirium shivered uncontrollably. Her pale skin had gone several shades whiter. She could barely feel the hand holding hers, it felt numb and tingly. Like she had been lying down on it all afternoon and it had gone to sleep.

"Rob," Delirium said quietly. She had meant to say Bob but it had come out wrong. A saner voice had taken control in the blood and in the madness. Delirium wasn't even sure which way was up anymore. "He has the prettiest hair, like sunlight and spaghetti. They aren't coming for me, I'm so alone.."

"I'll get Rob," she promised, pulling Del close when she shivered. There went this shirt. It was a clothesbox special, though, and was probably improved by the blood rather than ruined.

"They aren't coming for you, but we are. We're here. It's not time for you to go yet, and you're not alone."

She sounded like a broken record, but what else was she gonna say? Pretend it was all okay that the island had taken yet another person from Del? That was useless.

She felt alone. Truly alone. Her mind completly empty and devoid of any feeling but Despair. They had all left her, all except Abby. Abby would probably leave too and then there would be no one to stop her next time.

"I'm broken-bRoKen-broken," Delirium said, leaning on Abby for support. She didn't think she could sit up on her own, all the blood felt like it was leaving her. She felt dizzy and sick and it hurt. She didn't think it would hurt so much. "Not time, time to go."

They were all broken in their own way, really, but that wasn't something she should point out. Instead she shifted a little more so Del was leaning more fully on her, so she was supporting most of Del's scarily light weight.

How had she not noticed what was happening to Delirium recently? God, what kind of a next of kin was she?

"Not time to go," she repeated softly. "I'm not leaving you."

Delirium buried her damp face onto Abby's shoulders. Bob had said that, she remembered that now but then he had left her. No more kisses, no more talking, no more hugs, no more squishies. Just an empty home, where the walls talked to her and whispered secrets.

"Yes you will, gone in a-in a brief sigh." Delirium said tiredly, drooping against Abby before moving back startled. She was cold and so pale, shivering as she leant on Abby. "I don't want to feel anymore, I want scarlet skies and monsters in the corner of my eyes-birds. What's that thing in your eye called, the liquid, I'd like that to drink and a kit kat."

"Kit Kats are yummy," she agreed. "I don't know about the stuff in your eyes, though. That might not be so yummy."

Now that Del was seeming like she was slightly less close to the edge, she should probably find a doctor.

"Delirium, sweetie? I need to go get Rob so we can take care of you. I'll come back with him, but I'm not psychic, so I can't tell him to come in here without going and finding him. We'll both come back as soon as I can find him, though."

"Vitriolic fluid, gooey and it tastes so nice. Pop. The Corinthian eats eyes, he did until Dream unmdae him but then he remade him. So maybe he still eats them, he's a nightmare." Delirium said, leaning on Abby. Delirium touched the tattoo on her neck as if it might come alive and fill her with spider babies. Her arm hurt; like someone had burnt her, cut her and hurt her. "oKiES."

"I will be right back," she repeated, and it was a promise as well as a threat. The threat was directed at the universe at large. She objected to her friends dying, it bugged her and she wouldn't allow it to happen if she could prevent it at all.

She got up, opened the door, and let Barnabas in, and then told him firmly to stay with Delirium. He sat down next to his person and whined in what she assumed was agreement, so she left, heading to the clinic to find Dr. Chase.

Edited 2008-04-27 22:02 (UTC)

Chase had been in the Clinic to go over paperwork now that Gwen was officially discharged and had been going over several little aspects of the procedure while adding information about Juno, now that he had a new patient.

And he was actually alert, a happy change from nights before thanks to the newborn. Sleeping in the Boarding House definitely helped on the front.

Abby walked into the clinic, trying to seem as if she wasn't walking around with blood on her shirt and hands, and was glad to find Dr. Chase there. She didn't really want to consider what would happen if she brought a different doctor back. It probably wouldn't be good.

"Hey Dr. Chase, sorry to interrupt your paperwork, but Delirium could use some help in the bathroom," she said calmly. Panicking was not the answer and wouldn't help Del.

Chase's eyes flicked down to the blood and then up to Abby and he was already getting a couple of gloves before he'd even said anything or his mind had even processed it and he just nodded. "Sure," he agreed, slowly. "Care to tell me how much help we're looking at?"

"She tried to slit her wrists with some broken glass," she replied matter-of-factly. "I happened to be on my way there and found her. I tried to stop the blood with some towels, but she definitely needs stitches. One of the cuts is pretty deep."

"Right now her dog Barnabas is watching her while I came and got you like she asked, and I think she's been drinking too," she added.

"O...kay," Chase said after a very long and awkward beat of wondering if this was really his life now, but he grasped a bunch of bandaged and a pillow to support her. "Can you get some of the banana bags, then? I have a feeling we might need one. Uh, and..." He strained to think if they had any blood in the fridge. "How badly has she lost the blood so far?"

He was grasping his needles and thread, just in case she couldn't be moved.

"Ummmm...keeping in mind that I don't tend to deal with people while they're still breathing, I'd say maybe a pint or two?" she hazarded. "Enough that she was turning pale and sort of zoning out."

She grabbed a couple banana bags (yeah, she'd been in the clinic a few times, even if she was technically a lab person) and then pointed out something that had just occurred to her.

"If you need to transfuse her for some reason, I'm O negative and clean."

Chase gave her a look of relief at the blood type, hurrying down the hall as quickly as he could. "Okay, just keep with me," he advised over his shoulder. "Just in case we need someone to go back and forth for supplies."

"Sure," she agreed, and grabbed some extra gauze to go with the bags before she started following Dr. Chase down the hall to the bathroom. She was nothing if not cautious, and Del needed all the help she could get.

She was pretty sure Del was eventually gonna be okay physically, but therapy might not be a bad idea, if they could get her to agree to it. That was debatable.

Chase just hurried forward, bracing himself for this. He felt like he'd worked more in the last week than in months, at least, from a medical perspective. "Hey, Delirium, it's Dr. Rob, how are you?" he asked, as soon as he found her, immediately trying to clot the blood.

As soon as Abby left the room Delirium made slow and tired motions to try and reach for the glass. Barnabas had growled angrily at her until she lay on her back, giggling at the ceiling. It had such interesting things to tell her. Not like dog, she didn't like the dog it was mean.

Delirium was not really aware of the two people in the room with her, she was aware of the squat little chubby grey feet of her sister. She felt like she was spinning out of control and she couldn't stop. She felt cold.

Shivering Delirium blinked slowly and looked at Rob with a tired, hysterical smile. "Peachy keen," Delirium said, dropping her voice to a whisper. "I'm going home, shush. It's a secret."

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